11 things NOT to say to a grieving non-believer

When somebody has a loved one die, think before you start spewing thoughtless religious platitudes. Actually, just don't SAY this shit. It's patronizing. It's not true. And it HURTS.

1. "God only gives you what you can handle."

2. "It's all part of God's plan."

3. "Everything happens for a reason."

4. "She/he's one of God's special angels..."

5. "She/he's at peace now."

6. "She/he's in a better place."

7. "He/she's looking down on you from heaven."

8. "He/she was too perfect for this world."9. "

God called her her/him home."

10. "She/he's in my prayers."

11. "Now you have a guardian angel."

My sister died 1 year ago. Since November 22, 2013, I have heard ALL of these things. DO NOT fucking say them. While fairytales and dogmatic sentiments may serve as a comfort to you, they do nothing for me. Please, THINK before those indoctrinated statements leave your mouth. 
By now, you should KNOW that I am an atheist. That means I don't believe in gods. I don't believe in heaven. I don't believe in hell.
 I believe in humanity. I believe in human compassion, resilience, and love. I believe in things supported through empirical evidence. Science. Human nature. The cosmos.

Do not exploit the grief and suffering of others to perpetuate your religious beliefs and dogmas. Don't attempt to superficially rationalize the death of somebody's loved one.

-Stef (That Stephans Chick)

Whatever happened to the 1st Amendment, MSU?

       Blatant violations of the U.S. Constitution seem to be a very common theme at many of Murray State University's Hutson School of Agriculture events. Requiring all students, staff, and faculty members to pray to god before being allowed to eat is unconstitutional and a violation of our First Amendment rights. Not everyone in attendance at these events identify as christian students. Since Murray State is a publicly funded institution, professors (including the Dean of the agricultural college!) cannot promote any one religion over others, require prayer as part of any university sanctioned event, pray with students, or lead students in prayers. The Establishment Clause states publicly funded institutions may not establish a state religion or promote one religion over others. However, this happens at the School of Agriculture's back to school picnic every Fall semester, all of the IHSA horse shows the equestrian teams attend, and major events put on by the Horsemen's Association, in addition to events held by other organizations within the school of agriculture. 

     Nobody bats an eye or breathes a word about it- why is this? This is a public university funded by taxpayer dollars. The school is clearly violating the U.S.' Establishment Clause.


     These practices are not only unlawful, but also alienating and downright disrespectful to students not of the christian faith, whether they be jewish, unitarian, agnostic, muslim, buddhist, hindu, atheist, etc.

     I have spoken to several international students that chose to come here (they were buddhist, hindu, muslim, jewish, atheist, agnostic, unitarian, or just not religious)... and it makes them uncomfortable. They are being TOLD by university authority figures at the beginning of the school year that they must participate in prayer to a god they do not believe in and in doing so, may violate their own personal religious beliefs, or lack thereof. Since these students are brand new to the country and the university, they often feel compelled to go along with it, because, what other choice do they have? It pisses me off how this university, especially the School of Agriculture, so openly discriminates and alienates all non-christian students. These students are trying to get involved on campus and are being alienated from the very start. I have tried speaking up and was ignored and ostracized for my efforts. 


     I am all for engaging in religious discussions and do not have a problem with people talking about their faith, I actually do like hearing other people's views and engaging in religious discussions- but when people in authority positions at a public institution push one religion over others and do so to their students, I just cannot tolerate it anymore. It has upset me quite a bit about how many interested new and international students I have seen drop out of attending the Agriculture clubs and events due to the professors, academic advisors, club leaders, and even the dean of the Agriculture college pushing their beliefs on the students in attendance.


          If I had a dollar for every "friend" that I have lost, every time I have been ostracized or alienated from a club or team on campus, every occasion I have been questioned about my (lack of) belief, and every time I have been preached to since moving to Kentucky in July of 2012, I would be a very rich woman. I was deleted by 30+ of my "friends" when I came out as an atheist on Facebook several months ago. Several of those people I had considered to be very close friends since grade school. I have been receiving anonymous hate mail and threats on Facebook since then as well. I have been alienated and ostracized by clubs and teams on campus. Most people don't talk to me at all on campus anymore. I have heard people talk behind my back on multiple occasions. My truck has been vandalised on three separate occasions. My constitutional rights have been violated at a majority of the Agriculture college's events I have attended.

      I am NOT going to let this drop. Since the university has refused to take any of my concerns (and US law) seriously over the past three years, I am taking the next step.I will NOT let it go. If standing up for myself and defending my rights, and the rights of other non-christian students on campus, makes me an extremist, then I will bear that title with pride. 

     My primary goal isn't enlightenment, but if anything I post helps even one person begin to open their eyes, awesome. I post to show others that it is OKAY to doubt and to question and to TALK openly about these things. I post to show closet atheists, especially those in Kentucky, that they are not alone.

-Stef (That Stephans Chick)

September 11th.

"Beliefs might lack all supporting evidence, but, we thought, if people needed a crutch for consolation, where's the harm?" -Richard Dawkins

13 years ago, our generation saw the damage religious beliefs are capable of causing. 

13 years ago, America's "us vs. them" mentality was further strengthened following the attacks, condemning all those of Middle Eastern descent as potential terrorists. 

13 years ago, we realized our nation was not immune from attack and we were not invulnerable. 

13 years ago, we were told Muslim militants committed acts of terror against the United States.

     When religious fundamentalists commit atrocities, their actions are wholly supported by their holy book; they are following the instructions proffered to them via their deity. What does that say about religion as a whole? If the fundamentalists of your religions are considered "extremists" for adhering to scripture and engaging in action as their holy book instructs them to- would that not make them a "good, faithful (insert religion of choice here)," for following the commands of their god?

     As an atheist and secularist, I am often asked why I care so much about religion and why I don't show "an appropriate amount of respect for other people's beliefs." I discuss religion because it often produces detrimental effects upon humanity and society. Because I understand and have borne witness to religion's propensity to coerce its followers into expressing intolerance, demonstrating hate, and committing acts of unspeakable and unimaginable violence. They use their holy book as justification for their terror, hate, and violence. Because I have witnessed religion manipulate people into committing heinous crimes against other human beings in the name of their god.

     Because 2,977 lives were stolen away by unspeakable acts of violence committed in the name of a deity. 2,977 families were ripped apart by senseless tragedy. Loved ones were lost. Children became orphans. Parents lost their children. Families were broken. 

     Our nation was broken by unfathomable and unimaginable acts of religious-fueled hatred and violence.

     Because as of September 11th, 2001 at 10:28am, there are two towers that no longer stand proudly among the New York City skyline.

     Why can I not respect religious beliefs? September 11, 2001.

-Stef (That Stephans Chick)

November 30

     According to a middle aged woman at the Walgreens in Paris, TN, I am what is wrong with America, because I am a "tattooed, unnatural haired, 'devil hate music listening' freak!" (All I had done was occupy a certain amount of time/space in her presence- in those brief seconds, she decided she needed to judge me after staring at me disgustedly, watching me wash my hands, and TELL me how she chose to view me, with NO prior insight into my life.) And it made me realize, that even today - in 2013!, people are constantly unfairly criticizing and condemning others and reaching these judgmental conclusions based upon faulty heuristic patterns of cognition everyday. 

     Do you know the people you're stereotyping and condemning for their physical appearance or lifestyles? Do you know me?:

1. Yes, I do have tattoos. No, they do NOT make me a 'bad' person or affect my abilities or intellectual capacities in any manner. Both of my tattoos hold deep personal meaning for ME, do not affect/harm anybody else, and are synonymous with my beliefs and my life story: Everyone is important and deserving of love. Hope is something inherently human and it's biological- we're inherently optimistic as a species, resilient through our struggles and experiences of adversity, and long to live our lives for as long as possible, even in the face of those (sometimes impossible) struggles. 

2. My hair was dyed an "unnatural" hue (I had dark purple in my blonde hair) because I lost my big sister, DeAnna, to cancer on Friday, November 22nd. She said as soon as her hair grew back after she was done with her chemotherapy treatments, she was going to dye it "fun colors." ...she never got the opportunity to do so. 

3. I don't believe in devils. The music I listen to doesn't idolize or promote worshipping "demons," either. While I do not believe in any gods and find religion to be more harmful than what good it does, I find it irrelevant to someone who doesn't know me and I wasn't bothering. Most wars, -cides/-isms (genocide, infanticide, suicide bombing, racism, sexism, opposition to gay marriage, civil rights restrictions) are waged in the name of religious doctrines- whether following the word of the Abrahamic God, Allah, or Mohammed. I am opposed to proselytizing and indoctrination because from birth, religions tell their followers they are "bad" and can only be saved from the abhorrent 'sin' of being human and eternal damnation/hellfire if they go along with what they're told is absolute truth without evidence, and swear their life over to that certain religion's god they must dutifully worship, yet live in constant fear of punishment. People are NOT inherently bad and do not need salvation from being HUMAN. Atheism is simply a lack of belief in gods, demons, or any other paranormal beings. You do not need a god to have morals or to be a good person. 

4. Yes, I do listen to a lot of heavier rock music. However, I do not find any of the music I listen to to be hate-filled or "evil." It is certainly not 'devil hate music.' Music is another form of human expression and SO much is expressed through song than is possible with the clumsy medium of words alone. Sometimes, the music has to scream out what you feel when you don't always have the words to convey your emotions and your life story to the world. "Where words fail- music speaks" is something that I find to be very true.

Think again before you begin to judge a person you don't even know the first thing about. 

-Stef (That Stephans Chick)

Do NOT exploit my sister's death.

Six months ago, cancer claimed another victim. My sister. 

     My big sister died. Do not exploit her death and her life as an opportunity to force your beliefs upon me.

     I don't need or want mindless religious platitudes. While fairytales and dogmatic sentiments may serve as a comfort to you, they do nothing for me. Please, THINK before those indoctrinated statements leave your mouth. There was no 'greater plan' that involved giving my sister cancer and removing her from our lives. She is not still here and she isn't watching over anybody; her conscious self no longer exists. 

     Where she still exists is in memories and stories and the things she once loved and everybody she left behind. Don't give me fantasies about an unproven heaven and hell. To leave us all behind and to not be able to be here with her son: if there was a heaven, tell me how it would not be a hell.

-Stef (That Stephans Chick)